Panic Attacks: (not) a one size fits all

/
 
panic.gif

The first time I spoke to my (current) therapist about my anxiety and the symptoms I was experiencing I almost rolled out of my chair when he said ‘that’s not just anxiety, that’s called a panic attack.’ For most of my life I was under the impression that a panic attack looked, felt, sounded a certain way - none of which matched up with what I was experiencing. I envisioned what is most often depicted in mainstream media .. some version of a person as a ball on the floor, gasping for air, unable to catch their breath. Turns out, there are many different ‘versions’ of panic attacks which made a whole lot more sense once I took the time to research the actual definition:

A panic attack is the abrupt onset of intense fear or discomfort that reaches a peak within minutes and includes at least four of the following symptoms:

  • Palpitations, pounding heart, or accelerated heart rate

  • Sweating

  • Trembling or shaking

  • Sensations of shortness of breath or smothering

  • Feelings of choking

  • Chest pain or discomfort

  • Nausea or abdominal distress

  • Feeling dizzy, unsteady, light-headed, or faint

  • Chills or heat sensations

  • Paresthesia (numbness or tingling sensations)

  • Derealization (feelings of unreality) or depersonalization (being detached from oneself) Listen to this podcast.

  • Fear of losing control or “going crazy”

  • Fear of dying

YOU GUYS. I spent years explaining to anyone that would listen how my anxiety would often times ‘reach a certain level that began to take over my body, leaving me feeling out of control and absolutely terrified.’ I had no idea that my insane bouts of nausea, tunnel vision, shallow breathing, heart pounding symptoms were actually my body experiencing a panic attack. I truly felt there was just something ‘wrong’ with me and this is how my body/brain operated. Similar to my agoraphobia diagnosis this information left me feeling both overwhelmed and validated/empowered. As upsetting as it can feel to know you are living with something that *initially feels entirely out of your control, it’s actually really exciting to know that there are things you can do to reduce the intensity/frequency/duration with the right set of tools and mindset.

It’s insanely important to understand that fear not only triggers but often exacerbates a panic attack and as human beings, we are designed to keep ourselves safe. So it makes perfect sense that when we start to feel scared or uncomfortable, we retreat and avoid and do whatever feels necessary at the time to comfort ourselves. The problem with this is that we end up developing really unhealthy coping mechanisms along the way - many of which reinforce our belief that these symptoms are dangerous and that the only way to stay safe is to avoid experiencing said symptoms (or situations that trigger these symptoms) at all costs. Keeping us small. And isolated. Leading to more fear. and depression. and what can feel like a super lonely and unfulfilling life. I can’t tell you how many things I’ve missed out on or was never able to be fully present during, because of my fears around experiencing a panic attack.

Healing ourselves from panic attacks/anxiety/anything for that matter is never an overnight process. It’s often times a scary, emotional, exhausting and ongoing process. Everybody is different, but for me the most life-changing thing I ever did to alleviate these symptoms (aside from finding/committing to a therapist on a weekly basis which I avoided doing ..FOR AGES) was exposure therapy, which I will talk about in detail in a separate post. The most important takeaway here though is that you CAN get better. Things DON’T have to stay the way they are forever. If you are willing to do the research, face the demons, spend the money (ugh), and show up for yourself day in and day out (knowing not every day is going to look the same or feel like progress), I promise you will start to see subtle changes..and eventually those changes start to become not so subtle and before you know it you’ll start to shed the layers of your old self that no longer serve you. There is hope and a light at the end of the tunnel, even when it doesn’t feel like it but you HAVE to be your biggest cheerleader and take responsibility for what you do have control over. Even when it feels hard. You can do hard things! We can all do hard things. Not to get all cliche-y but we’ve only got one life.. and it’s your life for the making. No one is going to save you but yourself so make the decision that you want more out of this life and get to work so you can enjoy the time you have left on this big ol planet.